Say Goodbye...

Made a long overdue effort to revamp the guest room into a craft room. In the process of doing so, I finally tossed some things away, most of which were just trash. There were a couple, however, that had some memories attached...

1. My childhood stereo..

This was a birthday gift from my parents when I was in secondary school. It was antique enough that it had both a cassette tape and a MD player! It had served me well during my school days, always there for me while I chilled out in the room or while I struggled to study. It's definitely hard to say goodbye, especially after a decade. But I guess when it's time to let go.. I've to..

2. My snowboarding helmet..

This thing probably saved my life last fateful Christmas. Though I've absolutely no use of it now, it was a little heartbreaking tossing it out. Afterall, I am indebted to it.
Seeing the evidence of the crack it endured while it sacrificed itself for me still gives me chills and make me grateful that no long term damage happened (but again, maybe I did get dumber..=P).

Saying goodbye isn't easy, especially to things with memories. While I no longer hang on to these physical possessions, looking at the photos still give me a little warmth in my heart (and a little ache as well). At least there's still some memories of them that I could hang on to for as long as I would like...

For now, GoodBye...

Vet school..

I've been giving this some thought. It has kinda always been my hidden ambition to be a vet. But as life unfolds and with some really lousy decision making (E.g. dropping physics in JC, choosing to go Arts Faculty), I just kept drifting further away. After having Sam in my life and interacting with animals, I realize that the ambition is still burning inside. Is it a sign that maybe it's time to pursue it?

To be honest, I don't really have the confidence in myself. There are some uncertainties that scare me; things like the possibility of tons and tons of memorization, the need to dissect a reptile (*gulps*) or even things like having to study/write essays all over again. But there is a nagging voice inside me, telling me that it's okay and that I can do it if it's really my passion.

While it's impossible for me to get into a Vet school now, my doors are still opened. I could pursue the longer route of entering a Pre-vet school and if I do well, I could proceed further. Alternatively, I could just enter a Veterinarian assistant program and be contented with being a animal nurse. My heart for now is on the first option. Yap, that means that I'm going to be stuck in school for a loooong time. (Let's not discuss finances as yet.) That also means that when Zim's posting ends, I might just have to stay behind. (At least I would have Sam's company!)

Sigh, guess I really need to put in more time to think about it. I don't even want to think about my parent's reaction to this. Geesh, I hate decision making. =(

Far far away..

I was youtubing a performance clip - 梁文福精选组曲 X 新加坡青年华乐团 @ 新加坡e乐大赏2010 and was suddenly reminded of the musical (If there're seasons..). It felt like I was back in Singapore, back in NLB, reliving the musical once again. Gosh, that is by far my favourite musical. I wonder if there will be an opportunity to watch it again. (And yes, for now, I CANNOT wait till December Rains!)

For a moment, I forgot that I was far far away. It was only when I looked out of the window then I came to realize that I am actually still in NYC.

Nope, I'm not homesick. It's just that I find it really interesting how the internet can really bring home to you no matter where you are. And I'm looooving it~

Reminder...

Well, decided to leave this reminder here so that I will remember to do it, eventually!

Pay Sangee 7 pounds!
(Pathetic me has to leave this note here so that I will constantly remember when I read my past entries...) --> I'll strike this out once it's accomplished!

Sangee's flying back to UK this Thursday and I'm not sure when I'll see her again. She normally returns during Christmas season (Year end). However, she did mention that she will be heading over to the states to meet her sister and parents. Maybe next year? But again, I'm not sure if I'm going to be around then... Geesh, I'm going to miss her!

So, till then.. I'll see her when I see her. (Quote Sissy!)

Maybe this will give me a good excuse to pop by UK to return her the $$!

Top of my wish list...

I was first introduced to the idea of a portable bookreader (aka Kindle) by Zim's friend last year. It was quite an interesting idea and I was somewhat tempted by it and of cos, Zim (being the bookworm) seemed to like it. I was contemplating getting it for him for last x'mas (and of cos, use it myself), but gave up on the thought after we had a "Let's not spend too much since we are getting married" talk. Pretty much tossed the idea aside and kinda forgotten all about it.

Seems like Amazon just bought me over once again after they came up with version 2 of kindle. It's so damn chic! Geesh, I can't believe that I'm such a huge sucker for WHITE IT gadgets! The new Kindle is sooooo gorgeous.... *drools* Looks aside, this gadget is pretty cool. By uploading books onto it, it allows you to carry books around (without having to worry that the book is too heavy or that the book will get dog ears if you force it in your bag). Definitely something I would want to get when I travel around. Guess one main reason why I would love to get my hands on it is that I want to ensure that I actually read enough. I would love to read more than what I am actually reading. Seemed like I only finished no more than books for the whole of last year! Pathetic indeed.

SIgh, and of course, stylish gadgets = BIG hole in pocket. Kindle 2 costs about USD359.. so pocket unfriendly. =(

Oh well, I'm sure I will get over it... soon...=/
oh my kindle~

12th May 2009

Hitting a plateau at work. Boss is constantly picking on me, partly because of the silly mistakes I have been committing (Feels like he's picking on practically EVERYTHING he can), partly because of god-knows-what. The job started off pretty good, but somehow, I just lost control overnight and things just spiral downwards. My 6-monthly apprasial didn't turn out too well either... but again, I don't really care~

Feeling ultra demoralised and low confidence. It's like, I feel that I can't even do a simple thing without worrying about what his reaction is going to be, how sacrastic his next comment might be or what he is going to find fault in next anymore.

I'm totally convinced that I am not going to be confirmed after 1 year (whatever~). In fact, I'm all ready to throw in the letter anytime, but I just want to keep the promise I made to myself - that I will at least stay for one full year. I'm 50% done.

Hang in there KeY!!!

Though work really sucks, I am quite blessed with great colleagues who are really supportive and encouraging, always there to share their experiences and advices with me and of course, fight with me hand-in-hand. I'm also really sorry that I drag them down at times too.

On another note, I'm confused about what I should. Confused about why I can't just do a good job and confused about what I want to do.. (deep inside, I just want to be a taitai and leech off Zim....but... oh well) Shall spend the next 6 months figuring something out as well as steer clear of my boss..

Just 6 more months...

120th blog entry..

This is my 120th blog entry. I blogged 120th entries in my previous blog and the 120th entry was the last entry there. It was a period of blogging sickness and I retired for almost 1 year before resuming. Even though it's also my 120th entry in this blog, I'm pretty sure that it's NOT going to be the last. Hee, yes, which also means that my blogging passion is still burning! ^_^ Keep it up KeY!

Hm, anyway, life has been pretty peaceful for me for the past few weeks. Good start on the job, starting to blend better with the colleagues, always cracking lame jokes and gossiping (duh, my favourite pastime mah), and of course, learning things on people relationships as well as the job operations. The only not-so-good part now is the waiting phase. As from now, I'm still waiting for orders from the management as to where I will be posted to. No one seems to know (or maybe no one wants to say anything), so I guess there's nothing much I can do but simply sit back and wait on..In other words, enjoy my honeymoon~ and pray for the best!

Life without Zim isn't all too bad.(but if I were to choose, I would definitely prefer having him around, duh) Pretty much used to it right now. Though I do miss him quite a bit, at least I am able to meet up with some of my friends. It's just weird that I still hear his voice on the phone, but yet not able to see / touch him physically. Sounds like he's just at home, but in a matter of fact, he's actually far far away in Switzerland. =(

Basketball sessions without Zim started off really weird, especially when I usually relied on him for my 'endless' supply of water and 100plus. Now that he's away, I pretty much have to fork out my own $$ to buy my own drinks. TMD. Can't wait till my waterboy's return in just 13 days time! ^_^

On a happy side note: Hee, I'm relatively pleased with my basketball performance for the past few sessions! Definitely improving on both my rebounding as well as shooting. But I'm confident that I can improve more! Shall find some time to shoot some hoops and improve my skills!

Jia You!

My first weekend off!

Hm, haven't had both my weekends off for a loooong time, thanks to my horrid previous job . Now that it's finally here, I thought I would have a fruitful weekend, to be able to do lotsa things that have been left unattended (e.g. pack my ultra messy room, blog some stuff, go blading) since forever.

But, no surprises, nothing has been accomplished. -_- Typically KeY I guess. I was planning to pack my room either yesterday afternoon, if not, today afternoon. Guess what, I simply just slept both my afternoons away, even though I wasn't that tired. It's just that the heat was so terrible that I simply refused to move and instead, kept sleeping, even though I was perspiring like crazy. Only bothered to move when the sun has finally set.

Sigh, I'm just so lazy.

Back from HK!

Made it back in one piece, not without an ultra big hole in my pocket though. =P Ate a hell lot of food (I'm pretty sure I put on weight, darn), bought a fair bit of stuff (Will post the pictures tmr night! so stay tune) and caught up with some people, including my beloved sista (thanks for the treats and tours)and my lovely relatives.

So, one trip down and one more to go. I'm effectively 48 hours away from Zim. On one hand, I can't wait to see him again, yet on the other hand, I drag the thought of parting again after the 10 days together. Sucks. Wish june would come by asap. =(

Okie, that's it for now. Needa go rest and recharge for my LAST day of work. LOL

Night.

Some Updates...

Anyway, some quick updates on what's going on:
1. I'll be going to Hong Kong with my family on 25Th April till 29th April. Will be catching up with my beloved sista over lunch!
2. Last official day @ work will be on 30th April. Finally~
3. Leaving for Geneva on 1st May! (Will be popping by Paris over the weekend with the loves of my life...^_^)Will be back on 11 May.
4. Starting my new job on 12 May..

Finally moving on. To be honest, I am really relieved to be leaving my current workplace as the tension and frustrations are building up so much that I will probably go insane if I stayed on any longer. But, on the other hand, I suddenly realised yesterday, that there are many other things within the organisation that I'm really going to miss. Netball, YM events, the 2 bitches, my colleagues (X bosses) and YEC. Sigh. I guess in life, you gain some and lose some. Hopefully, I'll gain more over at my new workplace!

Looking forward to all the excitement in my life! =)

All I want for X'mas...

Hee... I know it's a little bit early to discuss this.. but I've already decided what I want for X'mas!

I want a ...*drum rolls*... PS 3!

KeY Chants: PS 3...PS 3... PS 3... PS 3...

Got the hint?

Two sides of a coin...

I like being alone... Being alone gives me the space I need to think about things that's happening in my life... about decisions I made, about situations I met and about anything else under the sky... I like being alone, not having to think about what to say to others around, just being silent, indulging in the wonderful music my ipod plays, and being drawn into the meaning of the songs...In addition, I especially like being alone in a crowd.... It's an amazing feeling - people walking by you as if you don't even exist there... Nobody caring about you... and you're feel to do whatever your want..(to a certain extend of course)..

But, on the other hand,

I dislike being alone.. When I'm alone and given ample space, I would start evaluating my life... When I start thinking about things in my life.. my imagination will run wild.. I would wonder if things I did were right, decisions I made were sound and of course, lotsa "what if" in my life. I would start to ask myself questions and doubt decisions I make... and it scares me... It scares me to think that I might eventually come to realise that some of the decisions I've made were actually huge mistakes..."What if" questions are the worst of the lot. They make me discontented with my life and wonder about things I probably shouldn't have done, or about things I might actually have if things haven't gone the way they had... I would start thinking about my life in general, about what I want to achieve and what I have achieved (which is probably nothing great).. and start to realize how insignificant and sad my life had been, blah blah, blah... In conclusion, I would probably sink into depression if I'm given too much time and too much space to think too much.. Hence, I need someone/something to occupy my time and to distract me from thinking things through too thoroughly...

Guess till date, zim has been my buffer in this aspect. Our stickiness kinda took up most of my 'alone' time. I would just whip up my phone to give him a call when I sense my imagination starting to stir. And it sucks that he's not around, (though still a phone call away, but the rates are a hell lot of difference).

Wish he would be back soon...

Geneva...

Zim's going geneva again in Nov and I really want to tag along...

I dream of myself sitting in an outdoor cafe somewhere along the streets of geneva, slipping a cup of hot chocolate, reading a book and occassionally lifting up my head to check out the people walking past me in the streets. To simply just laze around the place, visiting museums, monuments and parks, strolling along the Geneva lake alone, waiting for Zim's work day to end before heading over to a decent restaurant and enjoy good steak accompanied by red wine. Holding his hand in the cold weather as we walk along the streets of geneva, discussing his workday and how wonderful it would be if Singapore would have the four seasons too. Window shopping in Malls and boutiques that sell goreous but sadly, unaffordable accessories.. and of course, shopping for gifts (probably in the form of chocolates) for friends and family and collegues... Just spend a week, just the two of us in a laid back country before returning back to reality...

Of course, in reality, dreams are expensive... Afterall, I only just started working... my pathetic savings can cover no more than the air ticket to Frankfurt, not to mention the transfer flight to geneva. In addition, going for this trip would set us back from our plans to go US next year.. Unless, I'm willing to eat air and drink water for the next few weeks, even months, it's gonna be financially impossible for me to pay for the whole trip (inclusion of air fare and expenditure and lodging). Spoke to Mom about it and she suggested that I could ask Dad to sponsor me. Honestly, I'm really tempted to do so. But again, I feel kinda bad, afterall, I am supposed to financially independent now. Maybe a loan from Dad might just work out.

Keeping my fingers crossed on another issue - whether I'm able to get 1 weeks' leave from work. Since I started working in the middle of the year, I'm only entitled 8 days of leave, of which I already took one. So thereotically, I could take up to 1 weeks' leave. But still, the CC operates on a shift basis and the absence of one staff would mean reduced manpower and thus, the rest having to cover up my duties. Although I seriously doubt that the CC will 'die' without me, I'm still a little concerned if my boss is willing to grant me the approval for my leave.

With so many obstacles in place, there's a high chance that my dreams ain't gonna come true this time round...

Oh well... that's life...

Wish List...

I know it's tough for you guys to get presents for me... But honestly, it's equally hard for me to think of what i actually want... Maybe it's the new earning ability, there isn't really anything that I want that I can't afford to buy... it's more like I'm too stingy to part with the money.. In addition, there's nothing I really really really, die-die must have... LOL...it's not that I'm contented with what I've.. it's just that, I can't be bothered to think and that there's nothing out there that's really amusing or attractive enough... so, for those who are seriously cracking their brains, I'm really sorry... think harder... =P

ALthough I do have some ridiculous wishes..

1. Return Ticket to US.... (New York OR LA will be good...) Open dates please, since getting leave from work is a painful process...
2. Tickets to musicals: Rent, Wicked & Hairspray... (Open dates too!)
3. A puppy... (this is on my list since forever... might remain for a lot while more)
4. A cute guy in my office.. some eye candy that I can check out... preferably looks like and talks like daniel wu..
5. A damn HDB flat... (it's not that I don't wanna get married, it's just that our beloved government isn't releasing enough units.. so poor zim & key have NO place to stay..so get married for wat~)

Okay okay.. I'll be more practical...

1. Erm...
2. Erm.....
3. Erm.......
4. Erm.........

Sorry guys... tried my best...

Last words: Use your creativity... (oh, and... erm... please don't hate me....)

PS: Zim has no clue either, he won't be of much help~

^_^

KeY's illogical logic

The reason why my blog entries are soooo infrequent and laggy is not because I lack inspiration. Rather, it's just that I cannot find time to blog. (what's new) Afterall, I am an aspiring social worker (Chen, 2007) who is crawling my way through the last semester in school, of course I am busy, with erm... school work?

The reason behind the reason is as such; when I am at home in the evening, I SHOULD be doing my ISM (or any other work), which of course I don't. If I managed to convince myself that I should rest and work on it the next day (which is never difficult to convince myself) I choose to rest and watch TV and let my brain rest. Blogging is brain consuming and tiring, and is especially so for someone who, erm sadly, does not have much brain matter to begin with. Hence, blogging should only be done on days when I don't need to rest much or to work on my ISM the next day, which is very the not often.

So, that's why I don't blog often. *satisfied with her own explanation*

But if I do, please read it with your heart as each entry takes with it some of the previous brain matter that is in KeY's tiny brain...

Read-ing

How a book affects you depends alot on your maturity level or mindset when reading it. When you are young and ignorant, reading a philosophical book could be nothing more than pure entertainment or boredom... On the contrary, when you have experienced life (or similiar situations as the author), each and every sentence in the book could touch you in an unexpected way. That's exactly how I felt for "tuesdays with morrie"..

I first read it when I was in J2... Honestly, I didn't like it the least.. felt that it was boring and nothing more, despite the constant praises (from people around me) about how inspiring and touching the book was... I was more than eager to get rid of the book and was confident that I would probably never touch it again...

Unexpectedly, it became a book that was needed for one of my modules' class discussion... Being the guai ('erm') student I always have been, I decided to give the book another try.

I was amazed by how different it felt, reading the book again. The same book, yet at a different time, made such a huge difference. Each sentence, each session with Morrie was so inspiring and close to my heart thatI actually found myself, looking up from the book, after each chapter, reflecting on my life and consciously reflecting on my feelings and what I've done... I guess, having gone through death of a friend and having been through several struggles in life, allowed me to appreciate the book thoroughly.

Too many parts touched my heart that erm, (and I am rather ashamed to say this) that I can't remember most of it... but somehow I am confident that I would readily whip up that book and read it again and again each time I feel lost, confused or lousy about myself..

Yet, a sentence that I'll always remember... "Death ends a life, not a relationship"...

Some books deserve a second chance..

Bedtime...

I've a habit; each night before I sleep, I would start constructing blog entries in my mind. As I lay on bed, preparing to doze off, my little (and literally, i mean) mind would start a blog entry. I would start thinking about what I want to write for my next blog entry. Word by word, I will create a full blog entry (that are relatively interesting) right before I enter the sleeping cycle... (Not that I wanna boast. but I think those entries I created were rather impressive and impactful)

And the best of it all..... is that I CANNOT remember a single shit the next morning...(of what I wanted to blog about, what I wanna write)... -_-"

I was tempted to wake up and start blogging a couple of times, BUT, dreamlands was always more attractive. Guess I have to compromise for such, erm, 'lousy' entries instead. But still, at least I can still, erm, relatively fluently (and at least it's understandable) express my thoughts...

damn....