'Evan Almighty'

Caught 'Evan Almighty' today... Nothing wow or exciting. Just simple entertainment. Simply a movie that you can do without.. Despite that, there was a scene in the movie that struck me at my face, caught me by surprise and gave me a wake up call...

No, I'm not planning to build an ark, though I would really love the company of the cute wild animals...it's obviously something more meaningful...


It's just that I've always believed in god.. Yet I don't consider myself a christian now.. I'm just someone that believes that god exists. Period. Although I'm often envious of devoted christians around me who have a relationship to God and able to 'talk' to him, I just hate the fact that the same isn't happening to me... I prayed and asked for faith time and time again, asked for him to 'talk' to me and for me to come into my life.. but it never came.. and, so, rather ashamed to say this, I gave up trying... I withdrew from him completely. I remembered that once upon a time, I was proud to say that I'm christian... Eventually, my answer went to 'sort of like a christian'...but now, I would simply answer 'freethinker'. Whatever little relationship I had with God faded off overtime and I feel totally detached from him now... It just seemed to me that despite my prayers, my faith isn't growing and my relationship isn't developing. Of course, the typical human nature led me to conclude that maybe it just ain't meant to be, although deep down inside, I knew that it's because I wasn't trying hard enough and sadly, couldn't be bothered to do so...

There were times when I really believed that it's going to work out.. really enthusiatic about my growing faith.. yet there were even more times when things just ain't happening as I've expected. It just seemed to me that he has nothing install for me.. Just as if, it didn't make any difference in my life whether I believed him anot. Life just goes on as usual...as eventually I chose to simply not do anything at all...

The message in the movie that slapped me awake mentioned that when you pray for courage, god does not just give you courage. He creates opportunities for you to demonstrate and develop courage or when you pray for love and closeness within the family, god doesn't just make your family closer and more loving, he simply creates opportunities for your family to bond and become closer..

I went cold.. it just struck me.. Maybe it's not that god didn't answer my prayers.. it's just that I haven't treasured the opportunities that he gave me to develop my faith and relationship with him. When I prayed for faith and for him to enter my life, I simply expected him to literally walk right in and 'talk' to me and with that I would be able to have a relationship with him that are similar to my other friends. Thinking about it, I can't help but wonder how foolish I was to have such a ridiculous and unrealistic expectation... Maybe he did give me soo many opportunities for me to open my heart to him, but I simply ignored that and instead even thought that he hasn't answered me at all...

It's amazing how things happen when u least expect it... Who could have expected that I could gain such a meaningful message from a dumb comedy... I have to admit it gave me a second ray of hope... I believe it's time I start from scratch.. To rebuild this faith and relationship all over again...

Maybe this time round, I might be able to reach the end...