KeY's ramblings

I enjoy reading my friends' blogs... the blogs always give me an insight into their lives, especially those that I barely get to meet. Yet, as much as I enjoy taking a peep into their daily lives and thoughts, it scares me to know how little i really understand them and, sadly, how lousy a friend I have been to them. Not being able to be there, and probably, not important enough for them to share their feelings and thoughts with me. At times, I can't help but start questioning myself, on how good a friend I've been (or not) and how hard have I tried (or not), and unfortunately more often than not, I conclude that I am a lousy friend. Guess I'm juz not making enough an effort...

Z made a comment about me today. (which i pretty much disagree with) He commented that if someday he should leave [this world]... (touch wood of course), he believe that I would be able to stand strong, and move on with life, with support from friends and stuff. I beg to differ.. firstly, I find that I rarely share my deepest thoughts and feelings with anyone (till date, probably 3 unlucky souls (including Z) have been my target board), so my world would pretty much collapse when he's gone and you can't expect me to cling on to the 2 remaining unlucky souls 24-7. And secondly, I know I do have a handful of friends who are willing to be there for me. Yet, everyone's occupied with their own burdens and would move on, I cannot expect them to be there like Z has been... so ultimately, I would collapse...

Okay, but my point is, I have been a lousy friend to many, and hence I pretty much cannot expect them to be the same to me in times of need... and even if they were there... I would feel uncomfortable and guilty for burdening them...

Reflecting on who i've been, I conclude that I'm probably not a "good friend" material... but for now, I really don't care (okay, I'm in denial, I do care, but I don't wanna do anything about it as yet)...

Maybe one day I'll regret... but for now, let me be the childish immature key for a little while longer...